Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
