I like to think it a success when the cops are called
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
