oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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