Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
