She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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