Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
