I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
