They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize