I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
