if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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