My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
