I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
