1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
