did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
