I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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