i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
