I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
