Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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