There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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