12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
