You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
