is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
