last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
