in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
