yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
