i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
