Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You can't special order awesome
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
