he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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