have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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