tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
