I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
