i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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