hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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