Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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