mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize