I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
