Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
