Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the day after is always just damage control
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
