The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
