please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
love makes seman taste better
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize