They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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