Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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