Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
