Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
