Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Of course I have a pirate flag
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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