so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
