Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
