So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize