Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
