I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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