So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just had sex bonerless
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
