I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize