id be glad to
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
