The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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