Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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