Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this boner is exhausting
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
