i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
