the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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