I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
