awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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