Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
