I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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