$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
