You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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