you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
