Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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